Where have I been????

I don't think many people are actually following this blog to be honest, but I just looked at it, and remembered that it has been almost 2 months since I have updated this thing at all.  I have a million excuses, and all of them good ones.  The biggest excuse is just that we were MOVING.... but then, I would be lying if I said that I didn't have some down time in the last month and a half.

Here is how it's been for us and what you may have missed along the way:

• We left Hawaii in the beginning of August with a flight into Los Angeles where we met up with my mom and spent a couple of days in Disneyland.  It was a blast.  Jared enjoyed every Mickey filled moment of it.
• We picked up our car in LA and then drove to Las Vegas.  We spent about a week there with my mom, my sister, my dad, and a bunch of friends.  It was a nice relaxing time.
• We left Las Vegas and drove for 8 hours into Hayward, CA, where we were supposed to see Beauty and the Beast and meet my sister in law's soon to be hubby.  By the time we made it to Hayward, I was not feeling well, caught some small virus of some kind, and spent that night on the couch, not feeling so hot.
• We left Hawyard the next day to drive into Nevada City, CA.  This is where Cara got married.  We spent many hours helping with the wedding set-up and then time just enjoying the HUGE amount of family that Brandon had there.  I even met some of the MacDonald side of the family that I had never met.
• We then left Nevada City, and drove 12 hours into Keizer, OR, Brandon's home town.  We were supposed to spend 3 night there, but ended up staying an extra day.
• Then we took off again and drove for 13 hours into Idaho Falls, ID, our new home.  When we got here, we had only what we had in the back of our car.  So, we shacked up in a hotel for 2 nights and enjoyed at least a hot shower and TV.
• We bought some furniture, because we sold most of ours before we left Hawaii.  It was delivered by Saturday (we bought it on Friday), and we were able to at least sleep at the apartment.
• We had some visitors here, Gramma Lei and Papa came and stayed for a few days and just loved on Jared.
• We finally got our household good on Thursday and have spent the last several days unpacking and reliving.

I promise I will try and update more later, and even include some pictures.  For now, this will just have to do.

Brain Purge

• I have a "To Do" list that is way longer than I want it to be and there is no end in sight.
• The emotional part of the move has started for me.  I go through phases.  Sometimes it hits me, and sometimes it feel like we aren't moving at all.
• We STILL have no official word from Idaho.  We are staying strong in our faith and trusting that God will provide us the answers we are seeking.
• I have a plan A, B, C, D, E, F, and G for just about every aspect of this move.
• I don't think Jared has any idea what is coming, only that he gets to go to Disneyland and then visit family.
• I don't think I have any idea what is coming.  Period.
• I have tried to keep myself super organized, and for the most part, I have been, but I know that there are going to be things that I didn't think of, and that frustrates me.
• I have been eating a lot of humble pie lately.  Stress can make me mean, and I am taking it out on all the wrong people.
• Jared favorite thing about this move:  he gets to move suitcases around and sit in them and pack them and unpack them and do it all over again.
• I wanted to be able to move with less than 5 suitcases, and I think we are going to have 6.
• I am going to miss my friends, a lot.  I am older now, and it's a lot harder to make friends than it was when I was 8.  I can't just offer someone a friendship bracelet and ask them to swing with me.
• Oddly enough, I have grown closer to friends rather than pushed them away as the end comes.  I thought for sure I would not want to hang out/talk to most of the people I love out here, simply because it would be easier.  But, I find that I am treasuring each moment I get with these people.
• I feel like all I talk about these days is this move, and that is because that is mostly what is going on in our lives.
• I bought myself a new Bible study book that will demand my time 5 days a week.  I am excited to get closer to God, and maybe let the other things fall away. 
• I wish I knew what tomorrow was going to bring, but for the moment, I am hoping to get through today with less tears, less stress, fewer things on my to do list, and more love than yesterday.

Garbage men are good helpers

I think that Jared must be at the age where he wants to help with everything.  If anything in the house is getting done, he always wants to be in the thick of it.  If there isn't house work to be done (which, let's face it, isn't often), he will treck into the laundry room and take our DIRTY laundry into the living room to be folded.  I do not condone this practice, because it is just nasty. 

Whenever Jared is being a good helper we always praise him and tell him what a big and good helper he is being. 

Now, whenever he asks us for something and we concede, he always tells us that we are a good helper.  It is quite amusing.  He will also tell others that he doesn't know that they are good helpers.  Often to the stares of those strangers who have no clue what he is talking about.

This morning Jared heard the trash truck coming and he sat at the window to watch them pick up all of the trash cans and collect the trash.  As the truck drove away, Jared was sure to tell them what a great helper they were.  That's right, not a good helper, but a great helper.  I had to chuckle into my breakfast.

An Update of Sorts

I guess it is pretty obvious that I haven't been keeping up on my blog very well.  Things have been a little crazy/hectic around here and I have not had a moment to spare. 

We are all moved into the house that we are staying in until we leave the island.  We are so thankful for the friends that we have who have allowed us this extraordinary favor.  Jared is still trying to find new things to get into here, but for the most part, he has settled in nicely.

Shortly after we moved into this house, my mom came to play with us one last time.  We got to celebrate the 4th of July together and do some "sight seeing" with her.  We enjoyed doing some of these things for the last time before our departure from this beautiful island.

Tomorrow Brandon leaves for Idaho to take a test and interview for a position that he is desperately hoping to start working at.  God has opened a lot of doors about this particular place for us, but we are still praying that He leads us where He wants us to be.  I don't do well at night by myself, but then, this too is all part of the process.  I TRUST God enough to know that He has all of our best interests at heart.  He will not lead us astray, and that includes me while Brandon is away.  He won't be gone that long, I think a total of about 63 hours, and at least 20 of those hours he will spend on an airplane or at an airport.  I have the easy part of this job.  I am thankful that Brandon loves us enough to go and pursue this dream.  It would be a wonderful opportunity for all of us, if it works out the way it seems to be.  More details to follow after the interview.

Now for some pictures of the fun we have been having in July:

         Looking at the fish in the aquarium/Getting ready to go swim with the dolphins with Nana

Swimming with the dolphins

Feeding the sea lion

Fourth of July fun

 Looking at the all the hungry fish

Looking at everything going by

Putting Legos together with Nana (building a cool airplane)

Flying a kite for the first time

Loving flying the kite

All tuckered out.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

It is Saturday afternoon, early afternoon, as it is just shortly after the noon hour, and Brandon and I are completely and totally spent.  The packers came to our house yesterday at 8 am and did not leave until after 4 pm.  At the end of it all, our household good filled 4 complete moving crates and still had 3 overflow boxes.  All things considered, that isn't very much, but it sure felt like a lot of stuff.  As I watched them seal the last crate my heart broke just a little bit.

We had to say good-bye to a house that we have built so many memories in for the last 5 years.  For the majority of mine and Brandon's marriage we have lived in that house.  We brought Jared home to that house.  It was the first real place that we called our own. 

I wish I could say that move went smoothly and we are on the other side sore with happiness that everything went as expected.  It didn't.  No matter how much planning I put into the move (and I have a 2 inch binder FULL of stuff pertaining to this move), it wasn't perfect.  I could not plan all the things that happened to us, I just had to find ways to make it all okay.

Here is a list of the good parts, the bad parts, and the UGLY parts of this move:

The Good (it is always a good idea to look at the good parts first): 

• We did not have to pack out our house by ourselves.  In fact, we didn't have to do much packing at all.  Three guys came into our house and packed all of our stuff, and I mean ALL of our stuff.  We only had to be there to supervise.
• We have an amazing friend who lives in Hawaii, but is currently visiting California for a couple of months, and she is letting us use her house as a place to stay and live for the next 40 days until we leave Hawaii.  
• This same amazing friend is allowing us the use of her car once we ship our car.  It is amazing how much money we get to save by not having to rent a car or stay in hotel.
• Brandon was able to take 4 days off to help facilitate the move and make sure that everything ran smoothly.
• We don't have to pay for the downstairs carpet to be replaced.
• Good friends that stepped up and helped out in the ways that we needed most.  

The Bad (these are the things that aren't awful, but still just add a touch of stress to our lives):

• Brandon does not have a job yet.  Right now we are currently starting the next chapter of our lives and we have no idea where it leads us.  It is a BLIND FAITH jump that we are taking.  We trust God and that His timing is perfect, but we'd be lying if we didn't admit to being a little bit stressed about it all. 
• I contacted a woman about coming into clean our empty house, and she agreed (3 weeks ago) to come and clean it for us on Saturday.  Three days ago I tried to get into contact with her again and she never got back to me.  Here it is, Saturday, and my house is not clean.  I did find someone else to come tomorrow, and I am hoping that he actually keeps his word and does what he says he will.
• Jared is CONFUSED.  He is doing well for the most part, but it is hard to see him looking so out of place and unsure about what is going on. 

The UGLY (the stuff that just out and out sucked about the last couple of weeks/days):

• Three weeks ago Jared came down with Pneumonia.  It was awful.  He did not look like he felt well, and it was hard on us as a family to try and keep him quiet so that he could heal.  This was also in the midst of all of our move out appointments and stuff that HAD to take place at a certain time.
• Exactly one week before our move was to take place, Jared got the stomach flu.  It lasted until Tuesday of this week.
• The same day that Jared got the stomach bug, I got bit by a spider and had two large, red welts on my left leg that made it incredibly painful for me to walk, let alone get any of the 50 things on our "to do" list accomplished.  They are still there, a little less painful, but still there.  I am on antibiotics to help with the infection
• The night before the movers are supposed to come and pack us out, so Thursday, Brandon complains of not feeling well.  He, too, struggled with the stomach flu.  
• Here it is Saturday and we still have so much to accomplish at the old house and we are both so physically spent that it is taking hours to get what should only take 30 minutes, accomplished.

One day we'll laugh about all of this.  But for now, we are trying to remember that God is in control and He knows where He wants us and what He expects from us.

Moving Chronicles Pt. 3

With our impending move just about a week away, I find myself wondering if I got rid of enough stuff.  I have tried to repeat the mantra of "purge, purge, purge".  I did not want to ship a bunch of nonsense across the pacific ocean to only make it to our new home and wonder what I was thinking.  We decided to get rid of most of our larger furniture, mainly because most of it was 5-6 years old and had already survived one move.  We have been able to make a little money on some of the furniture.  Yet, I still sit here and wonder if I could have gotten rid of a few more (insert object here).

We have really tried to make the transition easy for Jared.  He's almost 3 and lately it has seemed that a lot of changes have taken place in his world.  It isn't easy explaining to him why some of his favorite people aren't around and why he can't see some of his best friends whenever he wants to because they are visiting grandparents.  No matter how hard we try, the moving transition is going to set him off.  There is no way that watching all of our furniture leave the house piece by piece, or watching his toys slowly dwindle when he wakes up from his naps is going to make my little man happy. 

One thing I forgot, though was boxes.  No, I don't mean that I forget to purchase/acquire boxes, I mean that I forgot the joy that boxes can bring to a little person.  Jared has been finding many many ways to use the left over boxes/rubbermaid bins that have been left empty while I go in search of things to fill them with.

Top Ten Things I LOVED About Today

I feel like so many of my posts over the last couple of weeks have been me complaining about SOMETHING.  I wanted to write a post tonight about wonderful things.  Today has been an awesome day.  It has literally been filled with people I love and family time I crave.  Here are the top ten things that helped me feel happy and full today!  These are in no particular order.

• Getting to talk to Dustin.  He's my brother.  No, not biologically, but he's still my brother.  He knows most of my secrets and loves me anyway.  We don't talk nearly as much as we should, and every time we do, I walk away remembering why I love him so much.  He is a good man.  If I could move him wherever I were to move for the rest of my life, I would.  Creepy, I know, but that is the kind of person he is, I just want to be near him during my life.

• Talking to my mom.  I DO talk to her everyday, but for some reason, today it felt different.  I love talking to my mom.  We even talked on Skype today.  It's nice to see her face every once in awhile.  She is coming to visit in July, and I cannot wait.  

• Going to the Waikele outlets specifically to let Jared ride the quarter operated machines.  The smile on his face was worth the $5 in quarters we spent on the stupid rides.

• Cleaning out closets and getting closer and closer to the day that we are going to move out of here.  While cleaning I found a letter that Dustin wrote to me our senior year in high school.  I read it and, once again, remembered why I love him so much.  I also saw a picture of a former best friend and I playing the tuba.  It brought back memories.  I don't want to go back, but it's nice to reminisce from time to time.

• Falling in love with my husband again.  I do this every single day, and today was no different.  He's a good man.  He makes my life complete.  He reminds me to be a better mother and a better person.  I am so lucky to call him my husband, and I will for the rest of my life.

• Talking to my Amy.  She's my sister.  Yes, biologically.  When she lived in England, I talked to her ALL the time, and yet, now that she lives in Vegas, we hardly ever talk anymore.  So, it was nice to hear her voice, talk about life, and remember why I love having a sister like her.  We are so much alike in some ways that it is scary, yet, different enough to know that we are completely different people.  I love her.

• Feeling the relief of being able to cross a TON of stuff off of our "To Do List" for this upcoming move.  Still so much to do, but it is much less than it was.

• Jared is still steadily getting better.  The pneumonia sucks, but I am thankful the his pediatrician knows what he is going and continues to give Jared the care that he needs.  

• Talking to Gramma Lei/Mom Payne.  She left Hawaii a couple of weeks ago now to a shower of tears.  My life here in Hawaii hasn't quite been the same since.  Although, she has kept her word and called me once a week.  I love hearing her voice.  She reminds me to hang on just a little tighter to things that I may want to let go of.  She also demands that I stop stressing about things and just let God sort it all out.  Tomorrow is her birthday.

• Personally having a growth day.  A day where I could feel myself fitting into the life that I want to fit into.  I love the people in my life, and I don't let them know enough.  Today, I got to tell several of them, and that makes me personally happy.

Moving Chronicles Pt. 2

I guess for awhile most of my posts are going to involve the adventure of our move.  It is the first time in probably a decade since I have had to truly move ALL my stuff.  So, it has been eventful.

This weekend, we had high hopes of getting a lot accomplished and purging away at all of the junk, crap stuff that we have accumulated throughout our five years in this house.  Although, as always, plans got changed.  This time for a good reason, albeit, not a reason I would have liked, but not one I can argue with.

On Thursday Jared was diagnosed with pnemonia.  Yep, you read that right, my little 2 year old has pnemonia.  It started out as a simple runny nose and turned into ugly pnemonia.  We are under strict orders to restrict the amount of activity that my little man is allowed to do this weekend.  He can have no more than about 30 minutes of play time.  It is HARD to tell my two year old that.  He lives to be outside running around, climbing, and jumping.  We have gotten creative.

Today we took Jared to an outlet mall called Waikele today.  At this particular outlet mall they have about 10 ride on toys.  You know what I'm talking about right?  The ones where you put in 2 quarters and then the machine starts to go back and forth and the kids can steer the steering wheel.  That's what we did for about 45 minutes this morning.  I took my mom's advice and brought Lysol wipes to wipe everything down before and after he rode, and then brought wipes to wipe his hands after each ride.  This way we weren't contaminating anyone else, and he wasn't going to get another bug to exacerbate the current situation.  He loved being there, and since we got there 30 minutes before any of the stores opened, we didn't have to see too many people either.  It was perfect.  Jared is now quietly snoring away for his afternoon nap.  If it's anything like yesterday's nap it will be about 3 hours.

Brandon and I spent the afternoon removing carpet that we had laid on top of the ugly, blue stuff that they put in these military houses.  Now we are going upstairs to purge some more and see what else we can sell in garage sale or pawn off on some of our friends.

Moving Chronicles Pt. 1

Several months ago I posted a blog about the reality of our move inching up closer and closer.  It has been a crazy couple of months, and the move is HERE.  I don't mean that we are moving tomorrow, but we are moving in the next two months.  And, if we want to get really technical, we are moving out of this house in less than 25 days. 

I am an organized person by nature.  I like to have lots of lists and lots of organization when it comes to big things.  For the move I have already created a binder that has no less than 7 lists of things that need to get accomplished in order for our move to go as smoothly as I want.  It has a calendar for every month from May-September so that I can keep myself organized day by day.  Now, when I started the binder I used pen to denote the things that I was pretty sure weren't going to change and pencil for the things I knew probably would.  Well.... you know what people say?  If you want to hear God laugh, make a plan.  That's what happened.  My plan was quickly changed and I had lots and lots of pen marks through things I was convinced would not change.  As for the lists, they are slowly getting items checked off, of course, they are also have new items added almost weekly.  There is hardly any time for anything to be added, but I seem to always find a way.

This first week of June very little was planned.  It was the first week in a REALLY long time that I didn't find myself running my hands down my face wondering how I was going to get EVERYTHING accomplished that week.  So, instead of making things to fill my week, God made me slow down.  I am currently sick.  I have been running a low grade fever and I feel like my head is going to float away.  I have tried taking medicine, but to no success.  I tried running errands yesterday, anyway, but found that I was not that effective.  Thus, I am staying inside until this sickness leaves me alone.  I just hope it goes away before next week, because I am BUSY next week and don't have time to sit down and do nothing. 

On that note, I do have the pre-move out inspection of our house today.  Shouldn't take too long and hopefully won't be much for me to have to accomplish.  I am thankful.

Where are the tissues??

Finding something to laugh about

The last 9 days have been, well, awful.  While each individual thing that occurred would have been stressful on its own, everything all together strung one right after another, has been enough to bring me to my knees a few times. 

I find it odd that what most people find to "comfort" me in my stressful time is to bring light to the situation.  Point out all the ways that these things too shall pass.  There have been very few people who have taken a few minutes to just let me cry/vent about the events that have transpired.  I am not sure why people do this.  I am sure that it is just the way some people are, but let's be honest, when I am in the middle of a crisis, I don't want to be reminded a 100 times how it could be worse, how I will laugh about it later, or things that I could be doing to possibly bring less stress, at least in that person's eyes.  I eventually just stopped calling/telling people what was going on, and found solace in my own tantrums. 

I know I sound like a whiny two-year-old, and I'm okay with that. 

So what is it that has been so awful, well, I'm so glad you asked (please remember ALL of these things were within the span of less than 9 days):

1. We said good-bye to some dear friends.  It was heartbreaking.
2. Brandon's separation orders and other things that were supposed to start in a couple of weeks, have started and continue to snowball.  It is not part of my proposed schedule and has provided me with lists that I was not prepared for at this time.
3. On Friday we woke up to a completely soaked downstairs.  The hot water heater had leaked ALL night on Thursday and thus our laundry room, downstairs closet, kitchen, dining room, and half of our living room were water logged.  
4. I am currently living with the dinner table on the back porch, the carpets in the dining room and half the living room pulled up with HUGE fans blowing underneath the carpet, our couches pushed almost to the front door, and Jared's toys on the stairs.
5. Canceling Bible study because our house STILL isn't put back together again.
6. Hardly sleeping at night because my mind will not allow for me to stop worrying about what is next.
7. Everyday things that happen anyway, whether all the other stuff has happened or not.

So, now here is my attempt at finding the humor in all of this:

1. The carpets are all ballooned up and Jared likes to jump on them, which is funny because he often falls shortly after he starts.
2. Eating dinner on the patio, even if it is raining.  Jared refuses to eat anywhere else.
3. Seeing the looks on people's faces when they walk in the front door and see what our house currently looks like.

There.  That's my attempt at finding the humor in my stressful and anxiety filled last 9 days.

My "puzzle-d" life

For the last, oh, I'd say at least 5 nights, I have woken up at about 2:30 am and then struggle to get back to sleep.  I am usually awake when the alarm goes off at 5:15 am.  During those quiet three hours I have had a lot of time to think.  I have also talked to God, a lot.  During these hours of musings I have started to see my life as a gigantic puzzle.  And, much like an unruly child, I have swooshed my hands across the puzzle a couple of times to watch all the pieces tumble to the floor in a big mess.  Then I sit and wait... either for me to get off my whiny behind, or someone else to pull me off of it, and then I start to put it back together again, one painstaking piece after another.

However, I have realized something.  Each time I have ended up with a broken puzzle, it has been put back together, often completely different than it was the time before.  Some pieces don't fit anymore, some pieces have to be shoved in, some of the left over pieces from times before fit, and some pieces are in the same position as always.  I noticed the last time that I put my puzzle back together that I had been shoving some pieces into place that weren't meant to be there anymore, or maybe they were, but they were meant to be in a different place in the overall picture.  These pieces were tattered, some of the "picture" was peeling off the corners, and some of them were even starting to break.  What was I doing?  Why had been pushing these pieces so hard to fit into a space they no longer wanted to fit into? 

I spent some of the nightly, sleepless hours thinking about some of these broken, tattered, dirty pieces.  After a lot of prayer and a lot of soul searching, I put these pieces in their rightful places.  Some of them are in the garbage can, some just back in the puzzle box, and some are fitting in the exact place they are meant to fit.

I like my puzzle right now.  I am amazed at where some of the pieces have ended up.  I am giddy and overjoyed at the pieces that are highlighted most.  I am also saddened by some of the pieces that I have lost.  I am sightly anxious about the changes that are on the horizon.  I know pieces are going to need to change places again, but I also know that I am a little bit more prepared to move them.

Here is a quick overview of some of the pieces and their places:

• Jesus has taken center stage.  His piece is FINALLY bigger than all the rest and has FINALLY found it's place right in the center.
• Brandon is there, he'll always be there.  He's right where he should be, by my side, always supporting me, as I support him.
• Jared is there, and nothing can change that.  I will always be a mother.  His piece will change as he gets older, but for now, he can still be in my arms.
• My mom and my sister, they have been my support and my foundation for as long as I can remember.  Their pieces don't change much, other than some minor cracks and touch-ups from time to time.
• My in-laws.  They are relatively new pieces.  Pieces I had to find places for 5+ years ago, but that have changed me in ways I never saw until recently.
• Here's where it gets a little hairy.  My friend pieces.  They are there.  They are important.  Some are gone, some are in the background, some are glowing pieces of comfort and joy.  Distance doesn't impact their position, but growth does.  I have outgrown some pieces, some pieces have been fighting for freedom for awhile, and some it was time to just chuck.  

Let's be honest, it's hard to take a real look at yourself.  My self-exploration has been bloody, and often unpleasant.  The final picture may not be perfect, but at least I am not longer holding onto the parts that were turning my picture into something it was never meant to be.

I'm not much good...

... at saying good-bye.

I knew the day was coming when we would have to say good-bye to two of the people that have inspired us most in our marriage.  We were lucky enough to meet Kelle and Dan, or as everyone lovingly calls them, Gramma Lei and Papa Dan, about 5 years ago, shortly after I moved Hawaii.  We quickly started to learn things from them that we never knew we could or wanted to learn.  They became stable people in our sometimes tumultuous lives.

It's hard to express the remorse I feel that our country is kicking them out.  Kelle has worked in Hawaii for 7 years and lost her job recently.  They are now being deported back to Canada, which is where they are from.  They leave tomorrow.

Here are some of the things that I have learned from the 5 years that we have gotten to spend with them.

• God is always Sovereign
• The Jesus is the ONLY way to salvation. 
• There will be fiery furnaces in our lives
• The people that matter most won't ever be far away
• It's okay to ask people for help, even if you don't want to
• Sometimes family is what you make of the people that are around you.
• Unconditional love from a father figure
• How to be better parents by sometimes doing the hard thing
• How to study and learn God's word in all aspects of life
• That our house is meant to have people in and out of it.  One of my spiritual gifts is hospitality.
• I am stronger than I give myself credit for
• How to be a better wife by being a better person
• The I am NOT having a heart attack because my chest muscles are a little sore and that my sore back is NOT a pulmonary embolism
• It's okay to wake someone up in the middle of the night if you have a medical question that can't wait
• That the age old argument of nature v. nurture has an answer:  it's BOTH.  Jared takes after both Gramma Lei and Papa.  It is quite amazing to see.
• It truly takes a village to raise a child..... heck, it takes a village to nurture an adult
• That I am a really, really lucky person to be able to say that I knew both these wonderful people.

Tomorrow isn't really good-bye, it's more of a see you later.  I KNOW it won't be the last time we see them.  I KNOW that they are meant to be part of our lives for a really long time.  Jared will miss them terribly.  He has grown incredibly attached to both of these wonderful people.  He thinks Papa hung the moon and the stars, and he's convinced that Gramma Lei can do no wrong.  I am not sure how to explain to a 2 and a half year old where the two people he loves most after his parents are going.  I just know that they will always be in his prayers.  They will always be a part of his growing up.  They will always be part of our lives.

Garbage trucks, trash cans, and recycle cans, OH MY!

There is nothing in this world that I see my son take as much joy in as trash cans.  I know that it is gross.  Totally and completely icky.  I get that people throw dirty diapers, rotted food, and other unmentionable things into these large green trash receptacles.  However, for some reason, it is Jared's favorite thing to see, touch, and roll around.  Every Friday (our weekly trash pick-up) Jared and I scour the neighborhood for people's trash can lids that got left open after being thrown into the air and pounded on the side of the truck.  It is his civic duty and my job as a mother, to help these people and put their lid back on their trash can the right way.  We come home and I make sure we wash our hands several times hoping to get all the nasties off of our hands.  Recently, like around Christmas time, our housing company decided to also add recycling cans to our outside junkyard.  Jared loves these blue cans just a little bit more because they are more his size.  He is actually tall enough to reach up and grab the handles of the bin to then take it for a spin down the street.  I never know where he intends to take it, but it always ends up back at our house.  Maybe it just needed a little walk. 

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine told me that her mom works for the company out here in Hawaii that does the recycling pick up for our neighborhood (they also do trash pick up around the island).  She said that we could bring Jared down there to see and climb in the trash trucks.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!  I knew that Jared would love every single minute of it.

Yesterday we actually took him down there.  His eyes were the size of saucers as he took in all trash cans, recycle cans, and the HUGE orange trash trucks.  I was definitely afraid that we might not be able to take him home with us.  He loved sitting inside the truck and being able to pretend to drive it.  He loved looking inside the trash cans (yuck!), and he loved just getting to be around some of the things that make him the happiest.  I can say that I definitely washed his hand before it was time for him to eat lunch.  But he had a wonderful day.

Will my son be a future trash man?  Or, as the my friend's mom suggested, can I convince to run the trash company instead??

A personal goal

As horrible as it might sound, I am not the kind of person that likes to set lofty goals.  Instead, I make lists and then I cross off the things that get accomplished.  In all actuality, though, these lists are my daily list of errands and chores that need to find an end on any given day.  If someone were to look deep into my droves of papers, there might be a paper of things I want to have/accomplish before I die.  However, let's just be honest, and I'll admit that after I wrote it, I stashed it away and haven't seen it since.  I guess I am more the type of person that likes to live in the today and worry about the rest of it some other time.  In the interest of full disclosure, I do worry about things that are not going to happen today or even next month, but I make it part of my daily list to give myself time to organize, worry, fret, and pray about what is coming up. 

On a slight tangent, before Jared was born I was a large.  I don't mean beautiful pregnant large, I mean, I put on a large amount of weight before I ever got pregnant.  I was in the obese range.  When I found out about the pregnancy with Jared, they told me the number that I should be after 40 weeks if I gain the normal amount of weight, and I was pretty sure that I was going to faint.  I made a deal with myself then and there that I was NOT going to be that big, and I was going to lose weight the right way.  Mine and Brandon's diets changed.  I started to get out of the house and walk.  At the end of pregnancy I had gained a whopping 2 pounds from where I started, but it was a good thing, and believe it or not, the doctor was thrilled with where I ended up.  After Jared was born, I was able to lose quite a bit more weight, like in the 60 pound range.  Then I stopped.  I haven't gained a ton of weight since then, only like 9 pounds, but what I have lost is my stamina and my muscles.  I lost the desire to get out and make myself healthy again.

So, here is my personal goal.  In the next two years, before I turn 30, I want to be able to run a half marathon.  It's a lofty goal seeing as running one mile is difficult for me right now.  But, I have the shoes, the work out clothes that won't make me sweat to death like over-sized t-shirts, and an iPod that is on its way via FedEx and will soon be jammed full of music that will make me want to move.

It's going to be a long and probably painful journey for me, but I WANT this.  It will be on my daily lists from now on.  It is time for me to feel healthy and beautiful again. 

What happens when...

... I allow my husband and my son to play "science" outside? 

My backyard becomes a mess!  But, boy, it was awesome to watch them go!

I am glad that my two and a half year old wants to learn about science.  I just wish it didn't make such a huge mess!!

The terror of the unknown

On Sunday morning Jared woke up his normal chipper self.  We dressed him for church and he sang the praises of his favorite people the entire 20 minute trip.  He was excited to run into the nursery and begin his 2+ hours of non-parental play time.  He gets away with everything in the church nursery, and he knows it.  He knows the women that love him, and he just gives them a batting of his baby blues and he can be in their arms the rest of the time.  When I went to go and pick him up from the nursery this Sunday, I looked over the side of the half door, like I always do, and was surprised to hear the nursery lady tell me that he was sleeping.  Wait!  What?!?!  MY son is sleeping during his precious and anticipated nursery play time?  She then told me that she thought he was running a fever.  I go to pick him up out of the crib, and sure enough, he is warm.  Not HOT, but warm enough. 

The rest of Sunday he wasn't really himself, but he sure wanted a lot of fluids.  He was drinking more juice and water than he has in weeks!  We chalked it up to teeth or something else minor, gave him some Tylenol, and put him to bed.

Monday morning he woke up HOT.  He didn't want to eat his normal breakfast, and I spent the morning on hold waiting for an appointment.  We finally snagged an appointment with the most amazing pediatrician in Hawaii, or possibly anywhere.  I bring my poor, pitiful looking little boy into the doctor.  He does NOT want me to let him go.  He doesn't even want to watch the TV that has fun animals running around.  He is clearly not himself.  When we finally got called back, the nurse took him temperature.  When she turned around to tell the other nurse what it was, I was sure I had heard her say "104.5".  I gasped.  Excuse me?!?!  She took it again, and it came back the same.  Jared's baseline temperature is 97.9, so 104.5 is HIGH.

By the time we made it into see Dr. Britos, Jared was lethargic and did not care about anything other than just being held.  Within minutes Dr. Britos had ordered Motrin to be given to Jared "stat", and he started his examination.  Within minutes an ear infection and obvious strep were ruled out.  However, Dr. Britos being the amazing doctor that he is, wasn't happy with just calling it a virus and sending us on our way.  He did 2 flu swabs, 2 throat swabs (all 4 of which Jared WAS NOT amused by), ordered xrays, and sent me home with a urine catch cup for us to attempt to convince our sick 2 year old to pee into.  By the time we got home, Jared was beat, and I was.... well, I was a tight ball of nerves and anxiety.

Almost 48 hours of alternating Motrin and Tylenol every 3 hours, I am beat!  We brought Jared back to the doctor this morning because all of the tests came back negative, and he is still running a 102 fever on and off.  We seem to be on the upswing.... sort of.  Jared at least wants to be outside running around and is asking for sustenance other than just juice and water.  We can no longer get him to willingly take the Tylenol or Motrin, so I am hoping his temperature will calm down fast.

As bad as it sounds, I REALLY wanted one of the tests to come back positive.  I wanted to know that it was a virus.  I NEEDED to know that that was going to end sometime.  But, we didn't get that.  IF the fever isn't gone by Friday, then there will be blood tests among other things that will be ordered to determine what else could be causing these abnormally high temperatures for my little man.  Dr. Britos seems to think it is a mega virus of some kind.  He has ruled out strep, UTI, flu, swine flu, tonsilitis, pnemonia, bronchitis, and he is almost positive it isn't roseola. 

In the mean time, I have to try and convince myself that I can relax and sleep at night.  Neither of which I have been able to do since Sunday afternoon. 

Parental phases

Anyone who has ever had children know that kids seem to go through phases of which parent is their favorite.  It usually starts as the mother.  The Mom can get the screaming infant to quiet down, the crabby baby to settle down and smile again.  The child doesn't want to be without Mom, even for a second.

For us, this was definitely true.  Jared went through the Mom phase for about the first 6 months or so of his life.  It was always me.  Brandon was rarely the one who could quiet him down or who Jared would want to cuddle with.  However, after about 6 months, it was ALL about Brandon.  When Dad was home, I was pretty much non-existent.  It has been this way for over 2 years now.  Jared would still come to me for some things, but when it came right down to it, Brandon won, every time. 

I understand, really.  Jared is a little boy, he wants to be around his Daddy.  I throw like a girl, and what little boy wants to learn to throw like that??  I don't quite have the knack for finding the right rock or other small object that will have the trajectory that Jared is looking for.  He almost looks disappointed when I take him outside.  He just knows that I won't be as good.  The sticks I find, or the way I push him on the swing just doesn't make him smile like he does for his Daddy.

Recently, I would say just in the last couple of weeks, Jared has started to become a Mama's boy again.  It's odd.  He always wants to be in my lap, sitting on me, playing with me.  He wants me to go outside, give him a bath, and sometimes even throw the ball with him.  All these activities used to be a strictly Daddy job. 

I am not sure how long this phase will last, but I am enjoying being in the spotlight for just a little while.  Because, rest assured, it will only be for a little while.

It's ALL about having fun

Here are some pictures of Jared having fun:

It's always fun to be outside.  That is one thing I will truly miss about Hawaii.  We can go outside every morning without jackets or scarves.  If Jared could be outside every minute of every day, he would.  It's where he belongs.

Can you hear me now?

Last April, when Jared was 20 months old, he refused to say more than just about 8 words.  He was not reaching any of his speech benchmarks.  His wonderful pediatrician, which I will leave for another post, suggested we contact H-KISS a program especially designed to help pre-preschool aged kids.  I thought about it a lot, but decided to call.  Within a week, I had a house full of people telling my poor kid to jump, talk, match, sort, and any number of activities that I had never done with him before.  He failed.  Well, failed is a strong word.  He was behind on many of his benchmarks, but most glaringly, in speech.  Before they agreed to start therapy they wanted to Jared to have a hearing test.  I agreed.  After all, Brandon has a hearing loss in the lower frequency, so I wouldn't have been super surprised if Jared shared the same deficiency.  We brought Jared into the audiology office, they stuck some bowling pin shaped little things in his ear to blow some air into them, and then put him in a silent, hot box and used huge speakers to pipe in beeping noises in all different pitches.  After what felt like 2 sweaty years, the doctor told us that Jared had a slight deficiency, but was still within normal speech range of hearing.  Jared started speech therapy 2-3 times a month after that.

It has been a year.  I am often not sure if I should thank the wonderful people who have come and dedicated their time to my little boy, or if I should punch them.  Jared now has more words than I can keep track of.  I used to be able to record his words in a little notebook, that was how few words he had.  He talks a lot.  Granted, it isn't always intelligible, but it's the start of something that is much closer to benchmark than he was a year ago.  Part of the year review is another audiology appointment.  The speech therapists wanted to know if/how his hearing had changed in a year.

This time, we went to a different audiology office.  The bowling pins were still put inside his ears, along with a Q-tip looking thing that had loud beeps coming from it.  Then were once again locked into a hot, soundproof room.  We tried the headphones for the beeps, but Jared was NOT interested.  We once again did the large speakers.  And once again, they told us that Jared has the same deficiency that he had a year ago, and that they want to see him again in 2 months. 

Now I can never ask Jared if he is deaf, because, well, he DOES have a deficiency.  It explains why sometimes when I whisper to him, he acts as though he can't hear me.  Maybe he really can't.

The beginning of the end....

In my mind, I always knew that what we have here in Hawaii could not last forever.  We are part of a military community, and with that comes the transient life style.  People move.  Since we have been here we have said good-bye to some friends.  We have said hello to others.  However, in the last couple of years there hasn't been too much movement.  We have created a family that is stable.  Our Bible study group has grown, but we haven't had any leave.  It's been comfortable.  It's been real.  It's been incredible.  There isn't a better group that I could have ever asked for, to help me grow spiritually.  We love each other.  We agree to disagree.  We tease and we laugh.  It's a wonderful place to fellowship and truly learn about God's love.

One of the families in our Bible study group is getting ready to prepare for a six month deployment.  It's happening soon, and he won't be back before we leave here to go back to the mainland.  It was bitter sweet good-bye.  Will we see him again?  I sure hope so.  His wife is going back to the mainland to spend a couple of months with her family.  That was yet another good-bye none of us were looking forward to.  They are a wonderful family, and I hope that they are part of our lives for years to come.

About a month ago we got a blow that was pretty big.  The leaders of our group, lovingly known as Grandma Lei and Papa Dan received word that the USA would not allow them to stay here any longer.  They are Canadian citizens.  It's a long story that does deserve to be retold.  But, it's devastating.  They are here for about another month or so.  Then we are on our own.  It is another good-bye that is looming large, and none of us are prepared for.

Another guy in our group is also preparing for a 16 month deployment to Iraq.  He will be leaving about the time that we leave.  Another good-bye that doesn't sit well, but that we know won't be a forever good-bye.

Regardless of where any of us end up, we all KNOW God's love.  We are all Christians.  It can never be a final good-bye when we are all Christians.  We'll see each other again in God's kingdom.  That is a comfort for the moment.

Monday was the last time our entire group was together here in Hawaii.  We are a good group.

And then there was silence

It doesn't happen often, but every once in awhile, Brandon and I get about 24 hours all to ourselves. 

Last night Grandma Lei and Papa Dan took Jared along with 3 of the other kids that are in our Bible study group, and us parents went on a double date.  It was nice.  It was relaxing.  It was just pleasant to not have to make sure another mouth got fed or scream was muffled so as not to bother other patrons.  We got to have adult conversation and even *gasp* drink a glass of wine. 

We came home, got to climb into bed, again without worrying that Jared was snuggled into bed.  And the best part?  We didn't even have to set an alarm.  We didn't have to worry about little feet running into our room to wake us up.  We just got to be adults, and then sleep soundly through the night.

This morning, it is still quiet.  The grandparents have the kiddos until 3 pm.  Yep, so we have another 5 hours of quiet.  Of not having to say "no" a million times.  Of no Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  What are we going to do with ourselves?

I don't know..... but I do know that it is time for me to get off the computer and do SOMETHING!

Easter is coming!

When I was growing up Easter was all about the Easter bunny, dipping hard boiled eggs into vinegar and a color tablet, our baskets, and the egg hunts that were everywhere.  I loved dressing up in frilly dresses and running all around hoping to fill my Easter basket with as much loot (i.e. eggs) as I possibly could.  I could not wait to check out the candy and other little $0.10 toys that filled the plastic eggs.  I eagerly awaited the time that we could unshell the eggs that we colored and see that the inside was often dyed the same color.

Jared hasn't really been old enough to understand what Easter is all about until this year.  Of course, the REAL reason for Easter is that Christ rose again for our salvation.  The Easter bunny is fun, and I am okay with Jared knowing that it is a tradition that surrounds the holiday, but I want him to know what it is REALLY all about.  This year we are going to be able to do all the fun things that come with Easter.  We are going to drop the colored tablets into the vinegar and dip a dozen eggs or so.  We are going to do an Easter egg hunt with some friends.  And, I even got Jared a fun little outfit, complete with blue checkered tie.

To kick off the festivities, I brought Jared to see the Easter bunny.  He is not terrified of the bunny like most children his age.... in fact, he loves the bunny.

Here are some pictures of the Easter bunny.  More photos will follow in the days following the actual holiday.

A fishy tale

Back at Christmas time, our Bible study group had a Christmas party.  We all pulled names and then we exchanged gifts.  Every other year, the kids were free reign, this year we had the kids pull names, too.  I had no idea that that would translate into Jared getting a one gallon fish tank, complete with two fish and an algae eater.  I would have been miffed, if it weren't for the fact that Jared's smile didn't leave his face for DAYS.  He wanted to stare at them, and feed them.  In fact, he often wanted to feed them far more than  they could have eaten in a fish year. 

Then it happened, as I knew it would..... I killed one of his fish.  It was completely innocent, in that all I wanted to do was give them clean water.  I thought I had it all under control until I had to put the fish back into the clean tank.  One of the little buggers wiggled himself out of the bowl he was unhappily swimming in, and down the sink drain.  I was unsure how to proceed from there.  Did I just run water down the drain and hope that it would swim out into the sewage system, or did I turn on the garbage disposal to ensure that my house would not turn into a smelly, fishy morgue?  I opted to run the water for 15 seconds, and then I turned on the garbage disposal.  I really hope that the fish made it out to sea before the blades of the garbage disposal chopped it up.  Either way, my house stayed smelling fresh, and full of boy smell.

I was sure that Jared wouldn't notice, after all, he still had one healthy fish and an algae eater in his tank.  I was wrong, yet again.  He noticed, and continued to say "Mama, fish all gone?" with his hand out to his side like he wasn't sure.  I felt guilty, terribly, terribly guilty.  One of my friends took some time out of her day, and brought Jared another fish.  He was elated.  Unfortunately, that fish died the next morning.  It was a sad farewell, only this time, it was burial in the toilet bowl.  (Jared never quite looks at the toilet the same way anymore.)  He STILL had one fish and an algae eater.  I figured it would have to do.  Besides, we are leaving soon, and we certainly cannot take a fish with us.  But then, the last fish suffered the same fate as the other two.  We found him floating a couple weeks later.  Again, burial down the toilet bowl.  At this point, I was simply hoping that the algae eater could hold on and that Jared could be happy with the lonely AE.  The AE is still hanging on tight, but Jared did not handle the lack of fish very well.  For a couple of days he would simply stare longingly into his fish tank and shake his head no.  It was almost like he was accusing us of letting his fish die one by one. 

We decided to let him get another fish, even though it would have been easier to simply disassemble the tank and pretend he never had fish at all.  We brought him to the pet store down the street, and into their fish room.  His eyes were the size of saucers and he just couldn't decide which one(s) he wanted to call his very own.  We would ask him, and he would simply stare around and around.  Finally a nice pet store employee brought my starry eyed toddler over to the Betta fish.  He couldn't contain himself, he reached out for the cups, stacked up on one another, pushing aside the brightly colored greens and blues, until he found the cup that contained the purple fish he knew was his.  He looked up us and said "FISH!".  It was love at first sight.  I paid the extra $0.39 for the cup, and let Jared walk out of the store holding his fish. 

He hasn't stopped smiling since.  The fish seems to be doing well, and the AE........ he is holding on too!

 Proudly holding his new fish

 New fish getting acclimated to his new home

Sometimes there is nothing left to say

Everyone has had one of those conversations where there is a long lull, neither party is talking, and it gets uncomfortable.  Whether it is a sign of boredom, lack of interest on either side, or just plain lack of communication skills, it doesn't matter, it is never fun to be stuck in the middle of the silent chasm.  Topics start to come up, like weather, living location, or jobs, because no one wants to be the one to admit that there is truly nothing left to say.  One or both people will try desperately to perform CPR on the flailing conversation, but let's face it, it never works.  Finally someone takes the bullet and ends the exchange with a bad excuse like a child, a spouse, or some other interruption that has to be more important the drivel that is being lobbed back and forth. 

I hate these conversations.  I will often end them at the first sign of silence.  I can't stand to be caught muttering "Um..."  or "Sooo...." over and over.  I have far better things to waste my time on then useless communication.

All right, I get it, I sound like a callous person.  But, I guess I just feel like I have better things to spend my time on.  I have an amazing 2 year old who grows up every time I look away for even a second. 

However, sometimes there are the conversations that have to be had, and at the end, there truly is nothing left to say.  You have both expelled every thought you can think of, there may have been a conclusion, but maybe not, and in the end, you both know neither of you could have said another word that would have made a difference.  These conversations hurt, or sometimes they don't.  At the end of this kind of conversation, you can't go back without a lot of work.

I tried today.  I failed, and I am okay with that. 

There are plenty more conversations for me to have with him:

I do..... Renew

Almost five years ago (July 2, 2005), I married the man that I am SURE God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with.  At the time, we were on the younger side, but both knew that we didn't want to be apart any more.  We had spend the almost two-year relationship we had had as a long distance couple.  Brandon's wonderful grandfather performed our ceremony, and we said "I do".  I really didn't think that any day could compare to the way that I felt that day.  And, in all reality, nothing since really has.  Of course, when Jared was born, it was something COMPLETELY different, and was another day that I can never forget. 

Before Brandon and I got married our religious standings were vastly different.  He was raised in a Baptist church, and I was not raised in a church at all.  By the time I met Brandon I had been baptized Mormon.  I am not saying that it was a huge mistake, but the reason I chose to be baptized was the completely wrong reason.  Even still, I clung to the LDS religion because of some of it's view points that were different than a Christian church, and "fit into" the way I thought I could live my life.  We never argued about religion, because he wasn't practicing, and I wasn't either.  When the topic came up we just agreed to disagree and would "figure it all out" when we had children and had to decided if and how we would raise them religiously.  Then I moved to Hawaii...

The VERY FIRST person that I met after coming to Hawaiian soil was on base while I was waiting for Brandon's submarine to return to port.  My mother and I were sitting in my car, parked at the pier, to the right of us was another car.  The woman in that car started conversation with us, and from that day forward she has been a wonderful friend of mine.  She was openly and proudly Christian.  She made no mistake about who she followed and who she loved.  I just chose to ignore it, most of the time.  Almost every person from her forward has been a Christian.  I was met with an outpouring of love from some of the most unlikely places.  People I hardly knew offered to let me move in with them for 25 days because the house I would have been in was unsafe and I would have been alone. 

In April of 2006 I officially gave my heart to Jesus.  Brandon was re-baptized, and I was baptized for the first time, into a Christian church.  I was SURE that I was making the right decision.  It has been hard, I have had some fiery furnaces, but I have grown as a Christian and I it has been the BEST decision I have ever made.  Along with feeling whole and complete, it also allowed for me to love and grow closer to Brandon.  Our marriage has become so much stronger because of the presence of the Lord in our lives.  When Jared was born we knew exactly how we were going to raise him, and that was loving Jesus.  We no longer have to agree to disagree.

With the introduction of Jesus into our marriage, I felt like it was vitally important that we renew the marriage covenant we made, so that it included Him.  I was no longer satiated with knowing that we had wed with no firm understanding of the Being that was behind it all.  We knew we didn't need it to be a big hoopla, we had already had that.  We just wanted the family that we had created there, and we wanted to renew the vows we made to one another with Jesus in the middle. 

March 6th, 2010, I remarried the man that I have been in love with for almost 7 years, and the God that I have been in love with for the last 4 years.  It was truly amazing.  It doesn't change anything legally, but it does change some much for us as a couple.  We now know that we have allowed Jesus to be our Guide and our Leader.

Our Bible Study Group and our Christian Family

Us with Pastor Derrick

Yep, we did it Hawaiian style with no shoes on

With this cup, let us remember He shed His blood for us

You may now kiss the Bride

Jared just wanted my flowers

Grandma Lei, Papa Dan, us, and Brandon's parents, Noel and Dan

We are so thankful for the amazing day we had and the people who shared it with us!

Small changes.... big problems

I wonder how a two year old truly knows what is going on.  I mean, think about it, there are things in their everyday world that they actually understand, that they comprehend.  I don't remember much, if anything, from when I was two, and I think, for the most part, I am really thankful for that fact.  A two year old's life has to be so exciting to them.  So many new colors, shapes, letters, sounds, sights.  It has to be overwhelming to say the least, and on top of all of the new things, they are still expected to remember all the old stuff too, like who their parents are.  AND, on top of all the remembering and experiencing, parents expect their two year old children to behave perfectly.  I am this mother, too.  I have to wonder, how can we really expect so much from our little ones?

Over the past week I have been frantically trying to get the house cleaned and ready for a visit from my in-laws.  I had a list.  A LONG and exhaustive list.  I expect a lot out of myself (which may be why my expectations of Jared are so high), and I work really hard to ensure that I truly get as much done as I can in a 24 hour period.  Along with the visit from the in-laws, Brandon and I are renewing our vows this weekend.  It isn't going to be a huge to-do, but it is going to be special and significant.  Add it to the growing list....

As I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I often forget that I have a two year old who watches my every move.  He has been caught in the cross-hairs of my neuroses a few too many times for anyone's liking.  He is a good kid and bounces back fast, even if the look of confusion takes awhile to fade away.  He has learned the word "move" quite well, and knows when to get out of the way of my whirlwind.  I am not proud of this.  I am not proud that he has learned to quickly shuffle away when I am in one of my moods.  But, I am proud of him. 

Last night, Dan and Noel made it safely to Hawaiian soil.  They landed late for my family, 10 pm,  as we are usually in bed by 8:30 pm.  Jared's room was exchanged for the guest room, and his bed was moved into the floor or mine and Brandon's closet.  When this has happened in the past with other guests we have easily been able to transition Jared into the pack and play in our closet.  He usually has no problems sleeping.  However, this time Jared has grown an inch or two since the last time, and he no longer fits into the pack and play with any comfort.  Thus, the idea of just taking his mattress and putting on the floor of our closet was born.  I thought it was a brilliant idea.  Jared.... well.... not so much. 

It took Jared almost 30 minutes to finally settle down enough to sleep.  He slept soundly until about midnight.  He then opened the door of the closet, turned the light on, and promptly shouted "Mama!".  I wasn't quite asleep yet after getting Dan and Noel from the airport, so I got out of bed and put him back in his bed.  He had so many other ideas.  He kept getting up, and kept turning the light on, thus robbing Brandon and I of precious hours of sleep.  We did notice at about 12:30 am that he felt rather warm.  We took his temperature, which was 101.9, and then gave him Tylenol, and stripped him down to just his stylish Elmo diaper.  He thought this meant play time.  We tried EVERYTHING and every combination of everything, including the uncomfortable but familiar pack and play, to try and get him to go back to sleep.  It wasn't until around 3:30 am that he finally decided to fall back to sleep, with his feet shoved into the corner of the bulging pack and play.  6:30 am was still the time he knew he wanted to be up and ready for his day. 

I am not sure what I expected, but I know that my expectations were too high.  He's only two after all, and I can't expect him to be everything I want, all the time.  All the small changes added up to big problems for my little man.  Tonight, we are going to try the mattress on the floor again and hope it isn't so bad this time.  I sure do love my little man, and things like this remind me just how much.