Getting way too anxious....

I know I have mentioned it before, but our impending move is quickly approaching.  It is no longer something that I can nonchalantly chat about, because it is HERE.  Brandon and I have to start making big, life altering choices.  These aren't going to be easy, but they are going to be God-led choices.  I truly believe that God will lead us where we need to be, but I hate having to be patient and wait for His answers.  I am a planner by nature.  I know, BIG surprise.  I have already planned at least 2 garage sales in the next couple of months to attempt to get rid of the crap stuff that we have accumulated these last 5 years in Hawaii.  I am anxious to start boxing up the things that we aren't going to need before our move, like the tower of books in Jared's room.  I want things to go smoothly, I want things to be easy and non-stressful.  Probably won't happen, but I am trying with all my might.

In the midst of all the pre-planning I am also trying to stay active in the ladies bible study group at my church.  It is a Beth Moore study called "Breaking Free".  It is all about breaking the yokes of bondage that we all have.  Mine is anxiety.  Mine is wanting everything NOW, or yesterday.  I am learning.  I am trying to listen closely to the Lord.  The bible study came at exactly the right time, even if it is hard lesson to learn.

Seasonal confusion

Let's start with some quick facts about Jared:

• He lives in Hawaii (although there are times I want to ship him off to Oregon or Nevada for some old fashioned grand-parent time)
• He is currently wearing size 8 shoes
• It hasn't REALLY rained in Hawaii in a couple of months

All right, now let's rewind.  Christmas 2008 to be exact.  We decided to spend Christmas in both Oregon and Nevada.  The forecast was calling for snow in Oregon.  So, like any good parent, I stocked up on the clothes and shoes that a Hawaiian born boy would need (i.e. any thing that has long in name, like long pants, long sleeved shirts, etc. and closed toed shoes).  I really struggled over the shoe thing.  He was definitely walking by then, so I knew he needed some good closed toed shoes if I wanted him to have any toes left at the end of the vacation.  The conclusion was that I bought him some tennis shoes and a pair of blue Hawaiian rain boots.  The boots were only $5 and I figured he could wear them if he got brave enough to play in the snow (he did).

Around February of 2009 Jared no long fit into any of his Christmas shoes.  They all went into a box to be donated or given away.  At Christmas time he was a size 6, but March he was a size 8.  (Thankfully his feet seemed to have stopped growing for a little bit as he is still in size 8 shoes)

Fast forward to November.  I was cleaning out his closet in hopes of getting rid of some "junk" that has accumulated over the last 2 and half years.  I pulled out the box with the shoes and Jared thought he was in heaven.  He tried to try on every single shoe in the box, including the size 1s.  When he couldn't get them on he would hand them to me and say "hep" (help), I would laugh and try to explain that these shoes just don't fit anymore.  He eventually discovered his blue Hawaiian boots.  He squished his poor little feet into the boots and was very proud of himself.  He kept walking around saying "boot".  I tried everything to get him to let me take the boots off (they couldn't have been comfortable), and he refused to let me take them off.  He wanted to go to bed with the boots on.

Here it is almost February of 2010 and we still cannot convince him to wear his sandles again.  He always wants his boots.  I know I should be a good mother and go and buy him a pair that fit, but I just haven't gotten around to the store that sells them.  It is on my list of things to do.  In the meantime, I let him wear them for short periods of time and then bring him back inside and force them off his feet, often ending in a temper tantrum.

For you viewing enjoyment.... my son and his seasonal confusion.  It isn't cold here, and there's no rain or snow:

Funk, funk, funky

For the last couple of days I have been in what I can only describe as a "funk".  I just haven't felt like myself and I just cannot put a finger on why.  Sure, I have errands that need to be run and chores that should have probably been completed weeks ago, but for the most part, my life is running in its normal everyday cycle.  Nothing out of the ordinary has really occurred and as far as I know, nothing has come in and done a body snatch of any kind.  I am just in a funk.  Then today Jared woke up in a VERY cranky mood, and I decided it wouldn't work if we were both wanting to sit on his little red naughty rug.  He usually sits there when he has nothing to cry about, but wants to cry anyway.  I have thought about utilizing it myself on days like these.  Anyway, Jared came downstairs this morning and went almost directly to his rug and had a good cry.  The stop button was pushed on my "funk", because it just isn't the same when I cannot curl into a ball on my own naughty rug.

Since the meltdown this morning, we have had 2 more.  I say "we" because at one point I did join him for a minute, because I just couldn't understand why he was in this funky mood.  Then it dawned on me, he is probably feeling my funk from the last couple of days.  At that point, I scooped him up, put his shoes on, put a long sleeved shirt on him (it was like 68 degrees!), and made him go outside and play.  We came back inside feeling much better.  We have not had anymore meltdowns, and I am praying that it stays this way the rest of day.


I just don't think I can handle anymore naughty rug time.

It matters

As I was growing up I remember certain adults; of course, my parents, my grandparents, my great grandparents, and some of my friends' parents.  I don't remember a whole lot of other adult interaction besides teachers.  I knew who was and wasn't a stranger (although, my mom may argue this, because when I was younger I would often go up to complete strangers and give them hugs.  She was certain I would go home with some of them if they asked me to) and who I was and wasn't allowed to get into a car with.  I was brought up from very young to be able to recognize those people who loved me (and who wouldn't?!) and those people who didn't.  I never understood until I was a mom the importance of these values. 

As soon as Jared was born I knew that I had to protect him.  I had to make sure that he grew up knowing that he was loved, and by whom.  It was my responsibility to make sure that he never fell into the wrong hands.  He is almost two and half now, and he KNOWS who loves him.  He KNOWS who is going to protect him.  He still gives hugs to people that we tell him to, but for the most part, he sticks to people that he recognizes. 

One person who he loves and who loves him is Papa Dan.  If you don't believe me, look at this:

Believe me when I tell you, it matters.  It matters who loves my little boy.  It matters who takes part in his everyday life.   It matters how much he loves them.  Because:

He has big shoes to fill someday (these are Papa Dan's size 12 boats)

He is going to have to learn to walk on his own, even when he hasn't quite filled those shoes

He has to know where he is loved, who he can go to for anything, who will love him anyway

He has to prepare for life's storms

And he has to know when to ask for help with those big shoes, and sometimes even be willing to let them go to someone more equipped to wear them, right now

It matters. 

Four ladies shopping for one dress

Yesterday was my birthday.  I turned...... oh wait, I am not supposed to share how old I am, right?  Let's just suffice it to say that I am not 30 yet, but getting close *deep breath*.

The day started with a wonderful crazy friend offering to babysit Jared in the morning.  I couldn't pack him up fast enough.  Within minutes he was in the car and careening down the street to the predetermined drop off point.  Brandon and I got some alone time and had a wonderful lunch together.  He got to work on my hope chest (pictures to come at another time), which he had been itching to do, and I got to go shopping with my some of my favorite ladies....

Jen, who is the beautiful daughter of Kelle (we call her Grandma Lei), is getting married this year.  She lives in Canada, and came to Hawaii to ensure that Kelle has a dress that will make her look more beautiful than the mother of the groom.  Kelle and Jen enlisted the help of Julianne and I.  Now, let's do the math here, four grown women with ideas and opinions of their own waltz into stores throwing dresses at one person.  Poor, poor Kelle.  While the ultimate decision came to Jen on what Kelle was going to get to wear, we all contributed to the multitude of dresses that got flung over the various doors.  In the end, no decisions were made, but we sure had a blast among the carnage of dresses that laid all over the dressing rooms.  We held no prisoners in our quest for a dress.

Of course, among the serious contenders were the ones that were FAR too loud for any mother of the bride dress, and of course, the ones that made us al laugh out loud as Kelle added fun hats to the ensembles.

The night ended with a nice dinner together and lots of laughs.

A decade in review

It dawned on me today that this year is my ten year reunion for my high school.  Was it really 10 years ago that I was a senior in high school?!  It makes me feel old to know that it was so long ago.  I have no idea if I will actually be able to make it to my reunion, but just thinking about it, makes me look over the past ten years and think about what has happened.  What I have lost, what I have gained, what has changed.  Here's a brief look at my life over the last ten years:

2000:  Graduated from high school

2001:  Continued going to Community College.  Of course the towers fell.  I was in the middle of a horrible situation.

2002:  Said good-bye to a four year relationship and struggled to find myself amidst the rubble.  Started working for Southwest Airlines.

2003:  Met Brandon through mutual friends.

2004:  Survived my first deployment with Brandon.  Big Jared Christopher Miller was taken from us too soon in a car accident.  Brandon left for Hawaii.  I continued in college and working for Southwest. 

2005:  Brandon proposed, we got married, I moved to Hawaii.  I finished my degree in Elementary education. 

2006:  I became a Christian.  Brandon went on WestPac.  I traveled to Guam to meet the boat.  We got pregnant for the 4th time (we had 3 previous miscarriages)

2007:  Jared Christopher was born in August.  Brandon transferred to shore duty.

2008:  I started and completed my Master's degree for Curriculum & Instruction: Reading.  Brandon finished his degree in Nuclear Engineering.

2009:  Brandon's little sister, Aleah got married.  Other than that, just had a growing toddler

2010:  We start the process of moving on from Hawaii to other adventures that await us.

Life in a nutshell.  I am just thankful for the experiences that have shaped me into the person that I am still becoming.

My cup runneth over

Every week (it has been on a different day, but most recently Monday) for the last 3 years at least, Bible study has been a part of our routine.  It started at another friend's house, and when they left Hawaii, it came to my house.  We have thoroughly enjoyed having a house full of our friends (who we call family) every Monday night who come and eat, laugh, and talk about God.  What can be better, seriously? 

(Just as an aside, this is not your "typical" Bible study type of group.  We often don't open a Bible at all and sometimes spend most of the night talking about taboo things.  We laugh, a lot, and we argue, a lot.  At the end of the night, the Spirit is full inside my house, and we do it all over again the next week)

The first week in December we put a hold on our Bible study because some were going to be out of town, some would have family in town, and others just wanted a break for the holidays.  Last night was our first night back.  It was like a giant reunion.  We had a house FULL of people who were laughing, eating, and just remembering why we come together every week.  We didn't really get to a lesson last night, but that was okay, because the Spirit was still here and we still remembered HIM in our conversations and our fellowship.

Here are the "little people" in our Bible study.  They remind us to laugh a lot and to not take life so seriously.

The purple belly in the middle is Aedan.  He should have been here already, but he'll come when he's ready.  And Julianne is holding James, the newest member to join us.

My cup runneth over.....

What are your New Year's resolutions?

Every year people ask me what my New Year's resolution is that year.  I often don't have an answer, so I come up with something like "keep my weight where it is", or some other such nonsense.  I guess I am a big believer in making your year great, even without the help of resolutions.  Don't get me wrong, if a resolution is what works for you, then by all means, make one, make a hundred, make a thousand!!  For me, I forget what resolution I made by the afternoon, and they aren't effective.  That being said, I decided to make some this year.  This year promises to be crazy, hectic, stressful, emotional, and well, adventurous.  So, this year, my resolutions are simple:

• Keep the peace in my house day by day
• Only eat out twice a month at the most (to help save money)
• Budget tighter and be more frugal
• STOP stressing about things that I have no control over now and will likely not have control over in the future
• Walk 2 miles a day

Will these work for me?  I have no idea.  But, to me, they are all worthy and good resolutions that I KNOW I have the ability to keep.

What are your New Year's resolutions?  Did you make any this year?