Easter is coming!

When I was growing up Easter was all about the Easter bunny, dipping hard boiled eggs into vinegar and a color tablet, our baskets, and the egg hunts that were everywhere.  I loved dressing up in frilly dresses and running all around hoping to fill my Easter basket with as much loot (i.e. eggs) as I possibly could.  I could not wait to check out the candy and other little $0.10 toys that filled the plastic eggs.  I eagerly awaited the time that we could unshell the eggs that we colored and see that the inside was often dyed the same color.

Jared hasn't really been old enough to understand what Easter is all about until this year.  Of course, the REAL reason for Easter is that Christ rose again for our salvation.  The Easter bunny is fun, and I am okay with Jared knowing that it is a tradition that surrounds the holiday, but I want him to know what it is REALLY all about.  This year we are going to be able to do all the fun things that come with Easter.  We are going to drop the colored tablets into the vinegar and dip a dozen eggs or so.  We are going to do an Easter egg hunt with some friends.  And, I even got Jared a fun little outfit, complete with blue checkered tie.

To kick off the festivities, I brought Jared to see the Easter bunny.  He is not terrified of the bunny like most children his age.... in fact, he loves the bunny.

Here are some pictures of the Easter bunny.  More photos will follow in the days following the actual holiday.

A fishy tale

Back at Christmas time, our Bible study group had a Christmas party.  We all pulled names and then we exchanged gifts.  Every other year, the kids were free reign, this year we had the kids pull names, too.  I had no idea that that would translate into Jared getting a one gallon fish tank, complete with two fish and an algae eater.  I would have been miffed, if it weren't for the fact that Jared's smile didn't leave his face for DAYS.  He wanted to stare at them, and feed them.  In fact, he often wanted to feed them far more than  they could have eaten in a fish year. 

Then it happened, as I knew it would..... I killed one of his fish.  It was completely innocent, in that all I wanted to do was give them clean water.  I thought I had it all under control until I had to put the fish back into the clean tank.  One of the little buggers wiggled himself out of the bowl he was unhappily swimming in, and down the sink drain.  I was unsure how to proceed from there.  Did I just run water down the drain and hope that it would swim out into the sewage system, or did I turn on the garbage disposal to ensure that my house would not turn into a smelly, fishy morgue?  I opted to run the water for 15 seconds, and then I turned on the garbage disposal.  I really hope that the fish made it out to sea before the blades of the garbage disposal chopped it up.  Either way, my house stayed smelling fresh, and full of boy smell.

I was sure that Jared wouldn't notice, after all, he still had one healthy fish and an algae eater in his tank.  I was wrong, yet again.  He noticed, and continued to say "Mama, fish all gone?" with his hand out to his side like he wasn't sure.  I felt guilty, terribly, terribly guilty.  One of my friends took some time out of her day, and brought Jared another fish.  He was elated.  Unfortunately, that fish died the next morning.  It was a sad farewell, only this time, it was burial in the toilet bowl.  (Jared never quite looks at the toilet the same way anymore.)  He STILL had one fish and an algae eater.  I figured it would have to do.  Besides, we are leaving soon, and we certainly cannot take a fish with us.  But then, the last fish suffered the same fate as the other two.  We found him floating a couple weeks later.  Again, burial down the toilet bowl.  At this point, I was simply hoping that the algae eater could hold on and that Jared could be happy with the lonely AE.  The AE is still hanging on tight, but Jared did not handle the lack of fish very well.  For a couple of days he would simply stare longingly into his fish tank and shake his head no.  It was almost like he was accusing us of letting his fish die one by one. 

We decided to let him get another fish, even though it would have been easier to simply disassemble the tank and pretend he never had fish at all.  We brought him to the pet store down the street, and into their fish room.  His eyes were the size of saucers and he just couldn't decide which one(s) he wanted to call his very own.  We would ask him, and he would simply stare around and around.  Finally a nice pet store employee brought my starry eyed toddler over to the Betta fish.  He couldn't contain himself, he reached out for the cups, stacked up on one another, pushing aside the brightly colored greens and blues, until he found the cup that contained the purple fish he knew was his.  He looked up us and said "FISH!".  It was love at first sight.  I paid the extra $0.39 for the cup, and let Jared walk out of the store holding his fish. 

He hasn't stopped smiling since.  The fish seems to be doing well, and the AE........ he is holding on too!

 Proudly holding his new fish

 New fish getting acclimated to his new home

Sometimes there is nothing left to say

Everyone has had one of those conversations where there is a long lull, neither party is talking, and it gets uncomfortable.  Whether it is a sign of boredom, lack of interest on either side, or just plain lack of communication skills, it doesn't matter, it is never fun to be stuck in the middle of the silent chasm.  Topics start to come up, like weather, living location, or jobs, because no one wants to be the one to admit that there is truly nothing left to say.  One or both people will try desperately to perform CPR on the flailing conversation, but let's face it, it never works.  Finally someone takes the bullet and ends the exchange with a bad excuse like a child, a spouse, or some other interruption that has to be more important the drivel that is being lobbed back and forth. 

I hate these conversations.  I will often end them at the first sign of silence.  I can't stand to be caught muttering "Um..."  or "Sooo...." over and over.  I have far better things to waste my time on then useless communication.

All right, I get it, I sound like a callous person.  But, I guess I just feel like I have better things to spend my time on.  I have an amazing 2 year old who grows up every time I look away for even a second. 

However, sometimes there are the conversations that have to be had, and at the end, there truly is nothing left to say.  You have both expelled every thought you can think of, there may have been a conclusion, but maybe not, and in the end, you both know neither of you could have said another word that would have made a difference.  These conversations hurt, or sometimes they don't.  At the end of this kind of conversation, you can't go back without a lot of work.

I tried today.  I failed, and I am okay with that. 

There are plenty more conversations for me to have with him:

I do..... Renew

Almost five years ago (July 2, 2005), I married the man that I am SURE God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with.  At the time, we were on the younger side, but both knew that we didn't want to be apart any more.  We had spend the almost two-year relationship we had had as a long distance couple.  Brandon's wonderful grandfather performed our ceremony, and we said "I do".  I really didn't think that any day could compare to the way that I felt that day.  And, in all reality, nothing since really has.  Of course, when Jared was born, it was something COMPLETELY different, and was another day that I can never forget. 

Before Brandon and I got married our religious standings were vastly different.  He was raised in a Baptist church, and I was not raised in a church at all.  By the time I met Brandon I had been baptized Mormon.  I am not saying that it was a huge mistake, but the reason I chose to be baptized was the completely wrong reason.  Even still, I clung to the LDS religion because of some of it's view points that were different than a Christian church, and "fit into" the way I thought I could live my life.  We never argued about religion, because he wasn't practicing, and I wasn't either.  When the topic came up we just agreed to disagree and would "figure it all out" when we had children and had to decided if and how we would raise them religiously.  Then I moved to Hawaii...

The VERY FIRST person that I met after coming to Hawaiian soil was on base while I was waiting for Brandon's submarine to return to port.  My mother and I were sitting in my car, parked at the pier, to the right of us was another car.  The woman in that car started conversation with us, and from that day forward she has been a wonderful friend of mine.  She was openly and proudly Christian.  She made no mistake about who she followed and who she loved.  I just chose to ignore it, most of the time.  Almost every person from her forward has been a Christian.  I was met with an outpouring of love from some of the most unlikely places.  People I hardly knew offered to let me move in with them for 25 days because the house I would have been in was unsafe and I would have been alone. 

In April of 2006 I officially gave my heart to Jesus.  Brandon was re-baptized, and I was baptized for the first time, into a Christian church.  I was SURE that I was making the right decision.  It has been hard, I have had some fiery furnaces, but I have grown as a Christian and I it has been the BEST decision I have ever made.  Along with feeling whole and complete, it also allowed for me to love and grow closer to Brandon.  Our marriage has become so much stronger because of the presence of the Lord in our lives.  When Jared was born we knew exactly how we were going to raise him, and that was loving Jesus.  We no longer have to agree to disagree.

With the introduction of Jesus into our marriage, I felt like it was vitally important that we renew the marriage covenant we made, so that it included Him.  I was no longer satiated with knowing that we had wed with no firm understanding of the Being that was behind it all.  We knew we didn't need it to be a big hoopla, we had already had that.  We just wanted the family that we had created there, and we wanted to renew the vows we made to one another with Jesus in the middle. 

March 6th, 2010, I remarried the man that I have been in love with for almost 7 years, and the God that I have been in love with for the last 4 years.  It was truly amazing.  It doesn't change anything legally, but it does change some much for us as a couple.  We now know that we have allowed Jesus to be our Guide and our Leader.

Our Bible Study Group and our Christian Family

Us with Pastor Derrick

Yep, we did it Hawaiian style with no shoes on

With this cup, let us remember He shed His blood for us

You may now kiss the Bride

Jared just wanted my flowers

Grandma Lei, Papa Dan, us, and Brandon's parents, Noel and Dan

We are so thankful for the amazing day we had and the people who shared it with us!

Small changes.... big problems

I wonder how a two year old truly knows what is going on.  I mean, think about it, there are things in their everyday world that they actually understand, that they comprehend.  I don't remember much, if anything, from when I was two, and I think, for the most part, I am really thankful for that fact.  A two year old's life has to be so exciting to them.  So many new colors, shapes, letters, sounds, sights.  It has to be overwhelming to say the least, and on top of all of the new things, they are still expected to remember all the old stuff too, like who their parents are.  AND, on top of all the remembering and experiencing, parents expect their two year old children to behave perfectly.  I am this mother, too.  I have to wonder, how can we really expect so much from our little ones?

Over the past week I have been frantically trying to get the house cleaned and ready for a visit from my in-laws.  I had a list.  A LONG and exhaustive list.  I expect a lot out of myself (which may be why my expectations of Jared are so high), and I work really hard to ensure that I truly get as much done as I can in a 24 hour period.  Along with the visit from the in-laws, Brandon and I are renewing our vows this weekend.  It isn't going to be a huge to-do, but it is going to be special and significant.  Add it to the growing list....

As I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I often forget that I have a two year old who watches my every move.  He has been caught in the cross-hairs of my neuroses a few too many times for anyone's liking.  He is a good kid and bounces back fast, even if the look of confusion takes awhile to fade away.  He has learned the word "move" quite well, and knows when to get out of the way of my whirlwind.  I am not proud of this.  I am not proud that he has learned to quickly shuffle away when I am in one of my moods.  But, I am proud of him. 

Last night, Dan and Noel made it safely to Hawaiian soil.  They landed late for my family, 10 pm,  as we are usually in bed by 8:30 pm.  Jared's room was exchanged for the guest room, and his bed was moved into the floor or mine and Brandon's closet.  When this has happened in the past with other guests we have easily been able to transition Jared into the pack and play in our closet.  He usually has no problems sleeping.  However, this time Jared has grown an inch or two since the last time, and he no longer fits into the pack and play with any comfort.  Thus, the idea of just taking his mattress and putting on the floor of our closet was born.  I thought it was a brilliant idea.  Jared.... well.... not so much. 

It took Jared almost 30 minutes to finally settle down enough to sleep.  He slept soundly until about midnight.  He then opened the door of the closet, turned the light on, and promptly shouted "Mama!".  I wasn't quite asleep yet after getting Dan and Noel from the airport, so I got out of bed and put him back in his bed.  He had so many other ideas.  He kept getting up, and kept turning the light on, thus robbing Brandon and I of precious hours of sleep.  We did notice at about 12:30 am that he felt rather warm.  We took his temperature, which was 101.9, and then gave him Tylenol, and stripped him down to just his stylish Elmo diaper.  He thought this meant play time.  We tried EVERYTHING and every combination of everything, including the uncomfortable but familiar pack and play, to try and get him to go back to sleep.  It wasn't until around 3:30 am that he finally decided to fall back to sleep, with his feet shoved into the corner of the bulging pack and play.  6:30 am was still the time he knew he wanted to be up and ready for his day. 

I am not sure what I expected, but I know that my expectations were too high.  He's only two after all, and I can't expect him to be everything I want, all the time.  All the small changes added up to big problems for my little man.  Tonight, we are going to try the mattress on the floor again and hope it isn't so bad this time.  I sure do love my little man, and things like this remind me just how much.