Finding something to laugh about

The last 9 days have been, well, awful.  While each individual thing that occurred would have been stressful on its own, everything all together strung one right after another, has been enough to bring me to my knees a few times. 

I find it odd that what most people find to "comfort" me in my stressful time is to bring light to the situation.  Point out all the ways that these things too shall pass.  There have been very few people who have taken a few minutes to just let me cry/vent about the events that have transpired.  I am not sure why people do this.  I am sure that it is just the way some people are, but let's be honest, when I am in the middle of a crisis, I don't want to be reminded a 100 times how it could be worse, how I will laugh about it later, or things that I could be doing to possibly bring less stress, at least in that person's eyes.  I eventually just stopped calling/telling people what was going on, and found solace in my own tantrums. 

I know I sound like a whiny two-year-old, and I'm okay with that. 

So what is it that has been so awful, well, I'm so glad you asked (please remember ALL of these things were within the span of less than 9 days):

1. We said good-bye to some dear friends.  It was heartbreaking.
2. Brandon's separation orders and other things that were supposed to start in a couple of weeks, have started and continue to snowball.  It is not part of my proposed schedule and has provided me with lists that I was not prepared for at this time.
3. On Friday we woke up to a completely soaked downstairs.  The hot water heater had leaked ALL night on Thursday and thus our laundry room, downstairs closet, kitchen, dining room, and half of our living room were water logged.  
4. I am currently living with the dinner table on the back porch, the carpets in the dining room and half the living room pulled up with HUGE fans blowing underneath the carpet, our couches pushed almost to the front door, and Jared's toys on the stairs.
5. Canceling Bible study because our house STILL isn't put back together again.
6. Hardly sleeping at night because my mind will not allow for me to stop worrying about what is next.
7. Everyday things that happen anyway, whether all the other stuff has happened or not.

So, now here is my attempt at finding the humor in all of this:

1. The carpets are all ballooned up and Jared likes to jump on them, which is funny because he often falls shortly after he starts.
2. Eating dinner on the patio, even if it is raining.  Jared refuses to eat anywhere else.
3. Seeing the looks on people's faces when they walk in the front door and see what our house currently looks like.

There.  That's my attempt at finding the humor in my stressful and anxiety filled last 9 days.

My "puzzle-d" life

For the last, oh, I'd say at least 5 nights, I have woken up at about 2:30 am and then struggle to get back to sleep.  I am usually awake when the alarm goes off at 5:15 am.  During those quiet three hours I have had a lot of time to think.  I have also talked to God, a lot.  During these hours of musings I have started to see my life as a gigantic puzzle.  And, much like an unruly child, I have swooshed my hands across the puzzle a couple of times to watch all the pieces tumble to the floor in a big mess.  Then I sit and wait... either for me to get off my whiny behind, or someone else to pull me off of it, and then I start to put it back together again, one painstaking piece after another.

However, I have realized something.  Each time I have ended up with a broken puzzle, it has been put back together, often completely different than it was the time before.  Some pieces don't fit anymore, some pieces have to be shoved in, some of the left over pieces from times before fit, and some pieces are in the same position as always.  I noticed the last time that I put my puzzle back together that I had been shoving some pieces into place that weren't meant to be there anymore, or maybe they were, but they were meant to be in a different place in the overall picture.  These pieces were tattered, some of the "picture" was peeling off the corners, and some of them were even starting to break.  What was I doing?  Why had been pushing these pieces so hard to fit into a space they no longer wanted to fit into? 

I spent some of the nightly, sleepless hours thinking about some of these broken, tattered, dirty pieces.  After a lot of prayer and a lot of soul searching, I put these pieces in their rightful places.  Some of them are in the garbage can, some just back in the puzzle box, and some are fitting in the exact place they are meant to fit.

I like my puzzle right now.  I am amazed at where some of the pieces have ended up.  I am giddy and overjoyed at the pieces that are highlighted most.  I am also saddened by some of the pieces that I have lost.  I am sightly anxious about the changes that are on the horizon.  I know pieces are going to need to change places again, but I also know that I am a little bit more prepared to move them.

Here is a quick overview of some of the pieces and their places:

• Jesus has taken center stage.  His piece is FINALLY bigger than all the rest and has FINALLY found it's place right in the center.
• Brandon is there, he'll always be there.  He's right where he should be, by my side, always supporting me, as I support him.
• Jared is there, and nothing can change that.  I will always be a mother.  His piece will change as he gets older, but for now, he can still be in my arms.
• My mom and my sister, they have been my support and my foundation for as long as I can remember.  Their pieces don't change much, other than some minor cracks and touch-ups from time to time.
• My in-laws.  They are relatively new pieces.  Pieces I had to find places for 5+ years ago, but that have changed me in ways I never saw until recently.
• Here's where it gets a little hairy.  My friend pieces.  They are there.  They are important.  Some are gone, some are in the background, some are glowing pieces of comfort and joy.  Distance doesn't impact their position, but growth does.  I have outgrown some pieces, some pieces have been fighting for freedom for awhile, and some it was time to just chuck.  

Let's be honest, it's hard to take a real look at yourself.  My self-exploration has been bloody, and often unpleasant.  The final picture may not be perfect, but at least I am not longer holding onto the parts that were turning my picture into something it was never meant to be.

I'm not much good...

... at saying good-bye.

I knew the day was coming when we would have to say good-bye to two of the people that have inspired us most in our marriage.  We were lucky enough to meet Kelle and Dan, or as everyone lovingly calls them, Gramma Lei and Papa Dan, about 5 years ago, shortly after I moved Hawaii.  We quickly started to learn things from them that we never knew we could or wanted to learn.  They became stable people in our sometimes tumultuous lives.

It's hard to express the remorse I feel that our country is kicking them out.  Kelle has worked in Hawaii for 7 years and lost her job recently.  They are now being deported back to Canada, which is where they are from.  They leave tomorrow.

Here are some of the things that I have learned from the 5 years that we have gotten to spend with them.

• God is always Sovereign
• The Jesus is the ONLY way to salvation. 
• There will be fiery furnaces in our lives
• The people that matter most won't ever be far away
• It's okay to ask people for help, even if you don't want to
• Sometimes family is what you make of the people that are around you.
• Unconditional love from a father figure
• How to be better parents by sometimes doing the hard thing
• How to study and learn God's word in all aspects of life
• That our house is meant to have people in and out of it.  One of my spiritual gifts is hospitality.
• I am stronger than I give myself credit for
• How to be a better wife by being a better person
• The I am NOT having a heart attack because my chest muscles are a little sore and that my sore back is NOT a pulmonary embolism
• It's okay to wake someone up in the middle of the night if you have a medical question that can't wait
• That the age old argument of nature v. nurture has an answer:  it's BOTH.  Jared takes after both Gramma Lei and Papa.  It is quite amazing to see.
• It truly takes a village to raise a child..... heck, it takes a village to nurture an adult
• That I am a really, really lucky person to be able to say that I knew both these wonderful people.

Tomorrow isn't really good-bye, it's more of a see you later.  I KNOW it won't be the last time we see them.  I KNOW that they are meant to be part of our lives for a really long time.  Jared will miss them terribly.  He has grown incredibly attached to both of these wonderful people.  He thinks Papa hung the moon and the stars, and he's convinced that Gramma Lei can do no wrong.  I am not sure how to explain to a 2 and a half year old where the two people he loves most after his parents are going.  I just know that they will always be in his prayers.  They will always be a part of his growing up.  They will always be part of our lives.

Garbage trucks, trash cans, and recycle cans, OH MY!

There is nothing in this world that I see my son take as much joy in as trash cans.  I know that it is gross.  Totally and completely icky.  I get that people throw dirty diapers, rotted food, and other unmentionable things into these large green trash receptacles.  However, for some reason, it is Jared's favorite thing to see, touch, and roll around.  Every Friday (our weekly trash pick-up) Jared and I scour the neighborhood for people's trash can lids that got left open after being thrown into the air and pounded on the side of the truck.  It is his civic duty and my job as a mother, to help these people and put their lid back on their trash can the right way.  We come home and I make sure we wash our hands several times hoping to get all the nasties off of our hands.  Recently, like around Christmas time, our housing company decided to also add recycling cans to our outside junkyard.  Jared loves these blue cans just a little bit more because they are more his size.  He is actually tall enough to reach up and grab the handles of the bin to then take it for a spin down the street.  I never know where he intends to take it, but it always ends up back at our house.  Maybe it just needed a little walk. 

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine told me that her mom works for the company out here in Hawaii that does the recycling pick up for our neighborhood (they also do trash pick up around the island).  She said that we could bring Jared down there to see and climb in the trash trucks.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!  I knew that Jared would love every single minute of it.

Yesterday we actually took him down there.  His eyes were the size of saucers as he took in all trash cans, recycle cans, and the HUGE orange trash trucks.  I was definitely afraid that we might not be able to take him home with us.  He loved sitting inside the truck and being able to pretend to drive it.  He loved looking inside the trash cans (yuck!), and he loved just getting to be around some of the things that make him the happiest.  I can say that I definitely washed his hand before it was time for him to eat lunch.  But he had a wonderful day.

Will my son be a future trash man?  Or, as the my friend's mom suggested, can I convince to run the trash company instead??