As horrible as it might sound, I am not the kind of person that likes to set lofty goals. Instead, I make lists and then I cross off the things that get accomplished. In all actuality, though, these lists are my daily list of errands and chores that need to find an end on any given day. If someone were to look deep into my droves of papers, there might be a paper of things I want to have/accomplish before I die. However, let's just be honest, and I'll admit that after I wrote it, I stashed it away and haven't seen it since. I guess I am more the type of person that likes to live in the today and worry about the rest of it some other time. In the interest of full disclosure, I do worry about things that are not going to happen today or even next month, but I make it part of my daily list to give myself time to organize, worry, fret, and pray about what is coming up.
On a slight tangent, before Jared was born I was a large. I don't mean beautiful pregnant large, I mean, I put on a large amount of weight before I ever got pregnant. I was in the obese range. When I found out about the pregnancy with Jared, they told me the number that I should be after 40 weeks if I gain the normal amount of weight, and I was pretty sure that I was going to faint. I made a deal with myself then and there that I was NOT going to be that big, and I was going to lose weight the right way. Mine and Brandon's diets changed. I started to get out of the house and walk. At the end of pregnancy I had gained a whopping 2 pounds from where I started, but it was a good thing, and believe it or not, the doctor was thrilled with where I ended up. After Jared was born, I was able to lose quite a bit more weight, like in the 60 pound range. Then I stopped. I haven't gained a ton of weight since then, only like 9 pounds, but what I have lost is my stamina and my muscles. I lost the desire to get out and make myself healthy again.
So, here is my personal goal. In the next two years, before I turn 30, I want to be able to run a half marathon. It's a lofty goal seeing as running one mile is difficult for me right now. But, I have the shoes, the work out clothes that won't make me sweat to death like over-sized t-shirts, and an iPod that is on its way via FedEx and will soon be jammed full of music that will make me want to move.
It's going to be a long and probably painful journey for me, but I WANT this. It will be on my daily lists from now on. It is time for me to feel healthy and beautiful again.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
What happens when...
... I allow my husband and my son to play "science" outside?
My backyard becomes a mess! But, boy, it was awesome to watch them go!
I am glad that my two and a half year old wants to learn about science. I just wish it didn't make such a huge mess!!
My backyard becomes a mess! But, boy, it was awesome to watch them go!
I am glad that my two and a half year old wants to learn about science. I just wish it didn't make such a huge mess!!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The terror of the unknown
On Sunday morning Jared woke up his normal chipper self. We dressed him for church and he sang the praises of his favorite people the entire 20 minute trip. He was excited to run into the nursery and begin his 2+ hours of non-parental play time. He gets away with everything in the church nursery, and he knows it. He knows the women that love him, and he just gives them a batting of his baby blues and he can be in their arms the rest of the time. When I went to go and pick him up from the nursery this Sunday, I looked over the side of the half door, like I always do, and was surprised to hear the nursery lady tell me that he was sleeping. Wait! What?!?! MY son is sleeping during his precious and anticipated nursery play time? She then told me that she thought he was running a fever. I go to pick him up out of the crib, and sure enough, he is warm. Not HOT, but warm enough.
The rest of Sunday he wasn't really himself, but he sure wanted a lot of fluids. He was drinking more juice and water than he has in weeks! We chalked it up to teeth or something else minor, gave him some Tylenol, and put him to bed.
Monday morning he woke up HOT. He didn't want to eat his normal breakfast, and I spent the morning on hold waiting for an appointment. We finally snagged an appointment with the most amazing pediatrician in Hawaii, or possibly anywhere. I bring my poor, pitiful looking little boy into the doctor. He does NOT want me to let him go. He doesn't even want to watch the TV that has fun animals running around. He is clearly not himself. When we finally got called back, the nurse took him temperature. When she turned around to tell the other nurse what it was, I was sure I had heard her say "104.5". I gasped. Excuse me?!?! She took it again, and it came back the same. Jared's baseline temperature is 97.9, so 104.5 is HIGH.
By the time we made it into see Dr. Britos, Jared was lethargic and did not care about anything other than just being held. Within minutes Dr. Britos had ordered Motrin to be given to Jared "stat", and he started his examination. Within minutes an ear infection and obvious strep were ruled out. However, Dr. Britos being the amazing doctor that he is, wasn't happy with just calling it a virus and sending us on our way. He did 2 flu swabs, 2 throat swabs (all 4 of which Jared WAS NOT amused by), ordered xrays, and sent me home with a urine catch cup for us to attempt to convince our sick 2 year old to pee into. By the time we got home, Jared was beat, and I was.... well, I was a tight ball of nerves and anxiety.
Almost 48 hours of alternating Motrin and Tylenol every 3 hours, I am beat! We brought Jared back to the doctor this morning because all of the tests came back negative, and he is still running a 102 fever on and off. We seem to be on the upswing.... sort of. Jared at least wants to be outside running around and is asking for sustenance other than just juice and water. We can no longer get him to willingly take the Tylenol or Motrin, so I am hoping his temperature will calm down fast.
As bad as it sounds, I REALLY wanted one of the tests to come back positive. I wanted to know that it was a virus. I NEEDED to know that that was going to end sometime. But, we didn't get that. IF the fever isn't gone by Friday, then there will be blood tests among other things that will be ordered to determine what else could be causing these abnormally high temperatures for my little man. Dr. Britos seems to think it is a mega virus of some kind. He has ruled out strep, UTI, flu, swine flu, tonsilitis, pnemonia, bronchitis, and he is almost positive it isn't roseola.
In the mean time, I have to try and convince myself that I can relax and sleep at night. Neither of which I have been able to do since Sunday afternoon.
The rest of Sunday he wasn't really himself, but he sure wanted a lot of fluids. He was drinking more juice and water than he has in weeks! We chalked it up to teeth or something else minor, gave him some Tylenol, and put him to bed.
Monday morning he woke up HOT. He didn't want to eat his normal breakfast, and I spent the morning on hold waiting for an appointment. We finally snagged an appointment with the most amazing pediatrician in Hawaii, or possibly anywhere. I bring my poor, pitiful looking little boy into the doctor. He does NOT want me to let him go. He doesn't even want to watch the TV that has fun animals running around. He is clearly not himself. When we finally got called back, the nurse took him temperature. When she turned around to tell the other nurse what it was, I was sure I had heard her say "104.5". I gasped. Excuse me?!?! She took it again, and it came back the same. Jared's baseline temperature is 97.9, so 104.5 is HIGH.
By the time we made it into see Dr. Britos, Jared was lethargic and did not care about anything other than just being held. Within minutes Dr. Britos had ordered Motrin to be given to Jared "stat", and he started his examination. Within minutes an ear infection and obvious strep were ruled out. However, Dr. Britos being the amazing doctor that he is, wasn't happy with just calling it a virus and sending us on our way. He did 2 flu swabs, 2 throat swabs (all 4 of which Jared WAS NOT amused by), ordered xrays, and sent me home with a urine catch cup for us to attempt to convince our sick 2 year old to pee into. By the time we got home, Jared was beat, and I was.... well, I was a tight ball of nerves and anxiety.
Almost 48 hours of alternating Motrin and Tylenol every 3 hours, I am beat! We brought Jared back to the doctor this morning because all of the tests came back negative, and he is still running a 102 fever on and off. We seem to be on the upswing.... sort of. Jared at least wants to be outside running around and is asking for sustenance other than just juice and water. We can no longer get him to willingly take the Tylenol or Motrin, so I am hoping his temperature will calm down fast.
As bad as it sounds, I REALLY wanted one of the tests to come back positive. I wanted to know that it was a virus. I NEEDED to know that that was going to end sometime. But, we didn't get that. IF the fever isn't gone by Friday, then there will be blood tests among other things that will be ordered to determine what else could be causing these abnormally high temperatures for my little man. Dr. Britos seems to think it is a mega virus of some kind. He has ruled out strep, UTI, flu, swine flu, tonsilitis, pnemonia, bronchitis, and he is almost positive it isn't roseola.
In the mean time, I have to try and convince myself that I can relax and sleep at night. Neither of which I have been able to do since Sunday afternoon.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Parental phases
Anyone who has ever had children know that kids seem to go through phases of which parent is their favorite. It usually starts as the mother. The Mom can get the screaming infant to quiet down, the crabby baby to settle down and smile again. The child doesn't want to be without Mom, even for a second.
For us, this was definitely true. Jared went through the Mom phase for about the first 6 months or so of his life. It was always me. Brandon was rarely the one who could quiet him down or who Jared would want to cuddle with. However, after about 6 months, it was ALL about Brandon. When Dad was home, I was pretty much non-existent. It has been this way for over 2 years now. Jared would still come to me for some things, but when it came right down to it, Brandon won, every time.
I understand, really. Jared is a little boy, he wants to be around his Daddy. I throw like a girl, and what little boy wants to learn to throw like that?? I don't quite have the knack for finding the right rock or other small object that will have the trajectory that Jared is looking for. He almost looks disappointed when I take him outside. He just knows that I won't be as good. The sticks I find, or the way I push him on the swing just doesn't make him smile like he does for his Daddy.
Recently, I would say just in the last couple of weeks, Jared has started to become a Mama's boy again. It's odd. He always wants to be in my lap, sitting on me, playing with me. He wants me to go outside, give him a bath, and sometimes even throw the ball with him. All these activities used to be a strictly Daddy job.
I am not sure how long this phase will last, but I am enjoying being in the spotlight for just a little while. Because, rest assured, it will only be for a little while.
For us, this was definitely true. Jared went through the Mom phase for about the first 6 months or so of his life. It was always me. Brandon was rarely the one who could quiet him down or who Jared would want to cuddle with. However, after about 6 months, it was ALL about Brandon. When Dad was home, I was pretty much non-existent. It has been this way for over 2 years now. Jared would still come to me for some things, but when it came right down to it, Brandon won, every time.
I understand, really. Jared is a little boy, he wants to be around his Daddy. I throw like a girl, and what little boy wants to learn to throw like that?? I don't quite have the knack for finding the right rock or other small object that will have the trajectory that Jared is looking for. He almost looks disappointed when I take him outside. He just knows that I won't be as good. The sticks I find, or the way I push him on the swing just doesn't make him smile like he does for his Daddy.
Recently, I would say just in the last couple of weeks, Jared has started to become a Mama's boy again. It's odd. He always wants to be in my lap, sitting on me, playing with me. He wants me to go outside, give him a bath, and sometimes even throw the ball with him. All these activities used to be a strictly Daddy job.
I am not sure how long this phase will last, but I am enjoying being in the spotlight for just a little while. Because, rest assured, it will only be for a little while.
It's ALL about having fun
Here are some pictures of Jared having fun:
It's always fun to be outside. That is one thing I will truly miss about Hawaii. We can go outside every morning without jackets or scarves. If Jared could be outside every minute of every day, he would. It's where he belongs.
It's always fun to be outside. That is one thing I will truly miss about Hawaii. We can go outside every morning without jackets or scarves. If Jared could be outside every minute of every day, he would. It's where he belongs.
Can you hear me now?
Last April, when Jared was 20 months old, he refused to say more than just about 8 words. He was not reaching any of his speech benchmarks. His wonderful pediatrician, which I will leave for another post, suggested we contact H-KISS a program especially designed to help pre-preschool aged kids. I thought about it a lot, but decided to call. Within a week, I had a house full of people telling my poor kid to jump, talk, match, sort, and any number of activities that I had never done with him before. He failed. Well, failed is a strong word. He was behind on many of his benchmarks, but most glaringly, in speech. Before they agreed to start therapy they wanted to Jared to have a hearing test. I agreed. After all, Brandon has a hearing loss in the lower frequency, so I wouldn't have been super surprised if Jared shared the same deficiency. We brought Jared into the audiology office, they stuck some bowling pin shaped little things in his ear to blow some air into them, and then put him in a silent, hot box and used huge speakers to pipe in beeping noises in all different pitches. After what felt like 2 sweaty years, the doctor told us that Jared had a slight deficiency, but was still within normal speech range of hearing. Jared started speech therapy 2-3 times a month after that.
It has been a year. I am often not sure if I should thank the wonderful people who have come and dedicated their time to my little boy, or if I should punch them. Jared now has more words than I can keep track of. I used to be able to record his words in a little notebook, that was how few words he had. He talks a lot. Granted, it isn't always intelligible, but it's the start of something that is much closer to benchmark than he was a year ago. Part of the year review is another audiology appointment. The speech therapists wanted to know if/how his hearing had changed in a year.
This time, we went to a different audiology office. The bowling pins were still put inside his ears, along with a Q-tip looking thing that had loud beeps coming from it. Then were once again locked into a hot, soundproof room. We tried the headphones for the beeps, but Jared was NOT interested. We once again did the large speakers. And once again, they told us that Jared has the same deficiency that he had a year ago, and that they want to see him again in 2 months.
Now I can never ask Jared if he is deaf, because, well, he DOES have a deficiency. It explains why sometimes when I whisper to him, he acts as though he can't hear me. Maybe he really can't.
It has been a year. I am often not sure if I should thank the wonderful people who have come and dedicated their time to my little boy, or if I should punch them. Jared now has more words than I can keep track of. I used to be able to record his words in a little notebook, that was how few words he had. He talks a lot. Granted, it isn't always intelligible, but it's the start of something that is much closer to benchmark than he was a year ago. Part of the year review is another audiology appointment. The speech therapists wanted to know if/how his hearing had changed in a year.
This time, we went to a different audiology office. The bowling pins were still put inside his ears, along with a Q-tip looking thing that had loud beeps coming from it. Then were once again locked into a hot, soundproof room. We tried the headphones for the beeps, but Jared was NOT interested. We once again did the large speakers. And once again, they told us that Jared has the same deficiency that he had a year ago, and that they want to see him again in 2 months.
Now I can never ask Jared if he is deaf, because, well, he DOES have a deficiency. It explains why sometimes when I whisper to him, he acts as though he can't hear me. Maybe he really can't.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The beginning of the end....
In my mind, I always knew that what we have here in Hawaii could not last forever. We are part of a military community, and with that comes the transient life style. People move. Since we have been here we have said good-bye to some friends. We have said hello to others. However, in the last couple of years there hasn't been too much movement. We have created a family that is stable. Our Bible study group has grown, but we haven't had any leave. It's been comfortable. It's been real. It's been incredible. There isn't a better group that I could have ever asked for, to help me grow spiritually. We love each other. We agree to disagree. We tease and we laugh. It's a wonderful place to fellowship and truly learn about God's love.
One of the families in our Bible study group is getting ready to prepare for a six month deployment. It's happening soon, and he won't be back before we leave here to go back to the mainland. It was bitter sweet good-bye. Will we see him again? I sure hope so. His wife is going back to the mainland to spend a couple of months with her family. That was yet another good-bye none of us were looking forward to. They are a wonderful family, and I hope that they are part of our lives for years to come.
About a month ago we got a blow that was pretty big. The leaders of our group, lovingly known as Grandma Lei and Papa Dan received word that the USA would not allow them to stay here any longer. They are Canadian citizens. It's a long story that does deserve to be retold. But, it's devastating. They are here for about another month or so. Then we are on our own. It is another good-bye that is looming large, and none of us are prepared for.
Another guy in our group is also preparing for a 16 month deployment to Iraq. He will be leaving about the time that we leave. Another good-bye that doesn't sit well, but that we know won't be a forever good-bye.
Regardless of where any of us end up, we all KNOW God's love. We are all Christians. It can never be a final good-bye when we are all Christians. We'll see each other again in God's kingdom. That is a comfort for the moment.
Monday was the last time our entire group was together here in Hawaii. We are a good group.
One of the families in our Bible study group is getting ready to prepare for a six month deployment. It's happening soon, and he won't be back before we leave here to go back to the mainland. It was bitter sweet good-bye. Will we see him again? I sure hope so. His wife is going back to the mainland to spend a couple of months with her family. That was yet another good-bye none of us were looking forward to. They are a wonderful family, and I hope that they are part of our lives for years to come.
About a month ago we got a blow that was pretty big. The leaders of our group, lovingly known as Grandma Lei and Papa Dan received word that the USA would not allow them to stay here any longer. They are Canadian citizens. It's a long story that does deserve to be retold. But, it's devastating. They are here for about another month or so. Then we are on our own. It is another good-bye that is looming large, and none of us are prepared for.
Another guy in our group is also preparing for a 16 month deployment to Iraq. He will be leaving about the time that we leave. Another good-bye that doesn't sit well, but that we know won't be a forever good-bye.
Regardless of where any of us end up, we all KNOW God's love. We are all Christians. It can never be a final good-bye when we are all Christians. We'll see each other again in God's kingdom. That is a comfort for the moment.
Monday was the last time our entire group was together here in Hawaii. We are a good group.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
And then there was silence
It doesn't happen often, but every once in awhile, Brandon and I get about 24 hours all to ourselves.
Last night Grandma Lei and Papa Dan took Jared along with 3 of the other kids that are in our Bible study group, and us parents went on a double date. It was nice. It was relaxing. It was just pleasant to not have to make sure another mouth got fed or scream was muffled so as not to bother other patrons. We got to have adult conversation and even *gasp* drink a glass of wine.
We came home, got to climb into bed, again without worrying that Jared was snuggled into bed. And the best part? We didn't even have to set an alarm. We didn't have to worry about little feet running into our room to wake us up. We just got to be adults, and then sleep soundly through the night.
This morning, it is still quiet. The grandparents have the kiddos until 3 pm. Yep, so we have another 5 hours of quiet. Of not having to say "no" a million times. Of no Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. What are we going to do with ourselves?
I don't know..... but I do know that it is time for me to get off the computer and do SOMETHING!
Last night Grandma Lei and Papa Dan took Jared along with 3 of the other kids that are in our Bible study group, and us parents went on a double date. It was nice. It was relaxing. It was just pleasant to not have to make sure another mouth got fed or scream was muffled so as not to bother other patrons. We got to have adult conversation and even *gasp* drink a glass of wine.
We came home, got to climb into bed, again without worrying that Jared was snuggled into bed. And the best part? We didn't even have to set an alarm. We didn't have to worry about little feet running into our room to wake us up. We just got to be adults, and then sleep soundly through the night.
This morning, it is still quiet. The grandparents have the kiddos until 3 pm. Yep, so we have another 5 hours of quiet. Of not having to say "no" a million times. Of no Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. What are we going to do with ourselves?
I don't know..... but I do know that it is time for me to get off the computer and do SOMETHING!
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